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Fencing Sculptor's Diary

The Ramblings of a Reluctant Civil Servant

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Man up why Don’t you….
me
fencingsculptor
It must be a slow news day today, because BBC breakfast featured a piece about male makeup today. Official confirmation from Aunty that the silly season has arrived.

Yep Male makeup just the thing that every Metrosexual guy should be embracing. ........Apparently.

Guyliner and Manscara to be specific.

As if to prove a point the journalist wandered the streets of London to see who would give it a go and not surprisingly got a 100% rejection rate. However, worryingly, when he offered the chance to try 'Manscara' or 'Guyliner', Blokes and their giggling partners were queuing up for the chance to see what they looked like ........... as a complete tit !

This is part of a frankly very worrying trend promulgated by stupid celebrity sports types and berks like Russell Brand (who I still find marginally less funny than a severely stubbed toe).

It started with Beckham and the his and hers fragrances foisted on the world by him and his vacuous stick insect of a wife.
Then your 21st Century guy was encouraged to exfoliate, then came moisturisers and now……… 'Guy make up'. Surely to be followed in six months time by 'feather boas for blokes' marketed under the banner "You don't have to be a Whoopsie".

It is wrong.
It must stop.

When Sir Edmund Hillary summitted Everest in 1953….was the order of the day , making sure his lippy was straight for the camera ….or returning safely to base camp.

When John Wiseman stormed the Iranian Embassy in 1980, while donning his black assault gear, do you think his primary concern was…"oh, does my bum look big in this". Maybeeeeeeee not !

When Steve McQueen tore up the streets of San Francisco in his 1967 Ford Mustang in Bullitt, was he surreptitiously checking his eye liner in the rear view mirror….er No!

When Michael Caine was planning his legendary Italian Job, did he schedule a brief stop at a small boutique on the Via Condotti….like heck did he.

Did Oliver Reed die from complications arising from an allergic reaction to his concealer or did he drop dead off a bar stool after a 24 hour marathon drinking sesh…… go on guess.

After resuscitating himself in his Aston Martin Vanquish, did Daniel Craig reach for handbag to freshen up his slap before returning to the Casino Royale...like bollox did he..... He went and had a shower with Eva Green the lucky barsteward !

In some like it Hot did Tony Curtis........ er, ok, that's a bad example.

I could go on.... The point is real men don’t do make up (even though some of us do actually quite like Quiche), and wouldn’t dream of doing so, unless there was a chance of getting to do the dirty with someone like Marilyn Monroe.
Frankly the only section of society that seem to think thaty Male Make up is a good thing are, coincidentally, those that think that think WAGs, Lilly Allen and the Geldof Space Cadets are really good role models and that Ugly betty is a documentary/lifestyle show.

If anyone comes at me in the street with a Manscara brush and I’ll poke their eye out with it. And they'll need a paramedic with a rubber glove to retrieve the 'Guyliner'....

Ablutions for a bloke should consist of a shower - a soap and a flannel... brushing your teeth and .....nothing else !

Yes, I'm quite comfortable with my masculinity thank you very much.


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freshen up his slap

does my bum look big in this

complications arising from an allergic reaction to his concealer


This is quite the funniest thing I have read in quite a while. Whatever you are on, you need to double the dosage.

freshen up his slap

does my bum look big in this

complications arising from an allergic reaction to his concealer


This is quite the funniest thing I have read in quite a while. Whatever you are on, you need to double the dosage.

  • 1