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Fencing Sculptor's Diary

The Ramblings of a Reluctant Civil Servant

Just Weird - "My Braaaaaaain Hurts !"
me
fencingsculptor
Okay...I have rather a lot on my mind at the moment:

1)The Implementation of the EU Services Directive in across my Department's Legislation.

2)My HEO Board/Assessment Centre thingy on Thursday.

3)Sharon - who is very rattled by her experience at her HEO Board/Assessment Centre thingy yesterday.

4)Car buying and getting all the money matters squared away.

5) My TA selection - I haven't heard a peep for a couple of weeks now.

6) I have over 1 months of leave and only 2 months to take it - pressure of work though is awful !

7) Albert's still lodging at Chateaux Fencingsculptor - but is very down. IK have no feeling for whether he's likely to head back up to Manchester anytime soon. And I can't very well go away or start emptying out the loft and starting to do building work in my bedroom until he's gone....

8)Then there's the running of the two Fencing clubs which is beginning to get me down.

....Neeeeeuuuurggghhhhh

My brain is truely frazzeled

Last night I dreamt I set up a third sports club - An Ashtanga class. In my dream it was called just that, and I seemed not to have made the link to the fact that its a branch of Yoga. So I blithely carried on trying to teach Ashtanga despit not knowing the first thing about it, and being very very worried about that fact. I was trying to be professional but kept having to refer back to my Ashtanga instruction book, while all the students , hung on my every word.

I became more and more anxious about my duty of care and professionalism as the session went on. I although I knew it was a dream I couldn't change the path/direction of the dream or resolve/disipate the anxiety it was creating.

...pretty clear parallells to all the above.

I'm frazzeled.
I'm fed up.
I'm tired.

Despite all this i recognise that as I work to resolve each of the issues currently bugging fencing sculptor that although each one is a fookin pain in the arse , it's resolution is going to leave me better off.

Its a juncture where you see pattern emerging from the chaos, and I have a calming feeling behind my consciousness that it'll work out for the best.

At specific points during my dream last night and the journey into work (spent reading Assessment centre notes ) the following fictional and real quotes poped into my head for no apprent reason.

Some are from films some are genuine some are dramatic reconstructions of real events and others are entirely based on fiction:

“My God, what have I done? “
“What you had to do; what you always do. Turn death into a fighting chance to live.”

“If it's a miracle, Colour Sergeant, it's a short chamber Boxer Henry point 45 calibre miracle.”
“And a bayonet, sir, with some guts behind.”

“Let's work the problem people. Let's not make things worse by guessing.”

“Failure is not an option.”

‘‘It won’t fail because of me’

...All a bit overly dramatic if you ask me !

Trouble is I'd really like to switch my brain off for a bit...you know..bung it in the wash...let it dry out ..and just chill. Practically though...that ain't going to happen for a while yet......