January 22nd, 2008


Oh seriously…it is complete bollox isn’t it ?!

Oh seriously…it is complete bollox isn’t it ?!

I having the sort of Day that makes Terry Gilliam want to sit down and pen a screen play and give Jonathan Price’s agent a quick buzz to see if he has any projects on….

I dragged my sorry arse all the way over to Sutton yesterday evening to be assessed by an independent Doctor who could tell me what I’ve known since being hit in the bum by another car on Boxing day….namely that I have a case of whiplash.

No $hite Sherlock….now do you think you can get me some frakkin medical help pleaseeeeeee ! I have been waiting a month now.

Then followed the joy of being soaked to the skin on the 20 minute walk back to Sutton. Nice.

In parallel to all this I am trying to prepare for this evenings meeting with the Colonel of the TA Battalion that I am hoping to join as an Officer Cadet .
My current suit is too loose and too cheap - I’ve needed a decent work suit for a while, and I need a new coat/mack .

I spent Sunday afternoon trying on suits in M&S in Croydon and while I found a dark grey wool and lycra blend suit that would suffice, I couldn’t find a raincoat in my size.

So on Monday I checked out M&S next to the office - I didn’t really look at the suits but they did have a dark beige mack that suited me in my size - yesterday afternoon just before my medical appointment I visited the M&S in Sutton – they didn’t have any macks but they did have quite a smart pinstripe suit ….but not in my size…..soooooooo….when I changed trains at West Croydon I called back into the Croydon M&S ….which didn’t have the nice pinstripe Suit I saw in Sutton. So I went home deciding to pick up the mack in the M&S next to work and check out their suits.

All clear…very good….anyhoo on arrival at work this morning at 8:20 I called into M&S next to work…..which no longer had a mack in my size….but which did have the nice pinstripe suit…..

So I now only have lunch time to complete my mission….I can dive straight up to M&S on Oxford St or I can give up and try McCrombe Bros along Victoria Street…….

Clear as mud …… but all has to be resolved by 5:30 this evening when I meet Colonel Paul……I don’t know his surname…… and I’ve been told he’s “SIR”…

Well that’s one worry off my mind then……

On arrival at work today I see that following on from the Abolition of Slavery Celebrations, we are now "invited to visit the Holocaust Memorial Day exhibition in Eland House and to make the time to light a virtual the candle, to make our own personal commitment to remember all of the victims of Nazi persecution, including the 6 million Jews killed, and those affected by later genocides."

A virtual candle ….nice…
Virtually sincere that.
How long can it take to light a virtual candle.
Can we use real matches ?

I’m assuming that anyone coming over from AHV will be using or Schindler's Lifts...

But what about all the other dreadful events of History.
Agincourt ….all those poor dead froggies…...
And National "About Time to Apologise for the Crusades Day…"
And not forgetting the International "We're really are, very sorry indeed, about the Dodo Day".
I think Prince William newly qualified pilot will be conducting a Solemn yet Ironic Royal Flypast for that one…..

Can you tell which one was the wind up…….It was remembering the froggies obviously.

Still, shouldn’t make light of these things really as a friends great uncle was killed in a concentration camp…

..he fell out of a machine gun tower…

Lots of cr@p going on regarding the car and insurance claim but suffice to say….it’s every bit as surreal inefficient and downright irritating as everything else which is going on…..

PS I have very very shiny shoes today.

PPS There's a sign outside my house which says "Humps for 1500 yards"
Add an 'e' delete a 'd' and its really very apt.

How to win friends and Influence people.......

Things that I should probably not say/mention at my Interview for TA OTC tonight:

Oi mate (addressing the Colonel) I’m ere for the job, an when do I get mi gun ?

Green and Brown camouflage... really isn’t me Dahling, do you do that in a grey blue ?

Yeah I don’t reheeealy like mud.
…or rain.
…or thunder and lightening.
…or any loud bangs or flashes really.
…I particularly dislike fireworks.
…but I’m ok with Sparklers.

As an Officer do I get to choose my Batman.

Cam cream…no not really for me… I have delicate skin and need to moisturise very regularly.

I'm a member of CND.

I don't really do boots can I wear trainers ?

I can't stand the Royals especially that jug-eared tree-hugger !

Shouts *Fcuk You Maaaaam* (addresses Portrait of the Queen) Oh I'm terribly sorry Sir I mis heard - I didn't hear you say "allegence to"