January 16th, 2008


The Call to Prayer ....and the Invasion of the Space Lizards

A few years back now probably 2001/2002 I spent a particularly beer’d up New Year round at a mates place in Plumstead …. A good night was had by all and I spent the night in a sleeping bag in their front room….

….I was awoken at about 9 the following morning buy the sound of Johnny Raghead and the call to prayer from one of these…..


…The Mosqueclock had been brought back as a gift from somewhere hot and sandy by a mate of his who had been out there on a TOD. You too can now own one of these solumn and tasteful products by visiting http://www.mosqueclock.com/

(...they are almost but not quite as tacky as the Pope on a Rope and the Hellfire-Spitting wind-up Nun....I kid you not!)

(I also learned that I had narrowly avoided loosing my eyebrows in a unconscious nocturnal shaving incident ….thankfully his wife threated him with something horrid if he carried out the attack…)

This was all brought back this morning while spying someone’s Metro on the train where the Mosque Alarm Clock is featured on page 17 !

Also in the Metro is a bit about Tom Cruise being angry and concerned about a scientology lecture being screened on the internet…… he thinks people will laugh at him.

Can’t think why he’d think people would laugh at him…..what's so embarrassing about thinking the world's being taken over by Space Lizards...

Marcus Brigstock Comic Genius.

The recent guff in this morning's post about the preventing extremism mongs (restricted to friends I'm afraid I wish to keep my job) put me in mind of a short sketch by comic genius Marcus Brigstock which I first heard on the autumn 2007 series of BBC Radio 4s 'The Now Show'.

I'm a huge fan of Marcus B , with the possible exception of that lousey series he did as Anne Robinson's monkey..... but this particular sketch had me in tears of laughter. I was trying to tell a colleague about it and happily after a short while (that should have been spent doing proper work) was able to track it down from a corner of the interweb ..and am posting it hear for prosperity..... and your enjoyment.

Discalimer: I'm a Catholic and found it hilarious !

"I’d like to start this week with a request, and this one goes out to the followers of the three Abrahamic religions: to the Muslims, Christians, and Jews. It’s just a little thing, really, but d’you think that when you’ve finished smashing up the world and blowing each other to bits and demanding special privileges while you do it... d’you think maybe the rest of us could sort of have our planet back?

I wouldn’t ask, but the thing is, I’m starting to think there must be something written in the special books each of you so enjoy referring to that tells you it’s all right to behave like precious petulant pugnacious pricks. Forgive the alliteration, but your persistent power-mad punch-ups are pissing me off.

It’s mainly the extremists, obviously, but not exclusively; it’s a lot of mainstreamers, as well. Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about, OK?

Muslims: Listen up, my bearded and veily friends. Calm down! OK? Stop blowing stuff up. Not everything that’s said about you is an attack on the prophet Muhammad and Allah that needs to end in the infidel being destroyed. Have a cup of tea, put on a Cat Stevens record, sit down, and chill out. I mean, seriously, what’s wrong with a strongly worded letter to the Times?

Christians: You and your churches don’t get to be millionaires while other people have nothing at all. They’re your bloody rules; either stick to them, or abandon the faith. And stop persecuting and killing people you judge to be immoral. Oh, and stop pretending you’re celibate as a coverup for being a gay or a nonce.

Right, that’s two ticked off.

Jews: I know you’re God’s chosen people, and the rest of us are just whatever, but when Israel behaves like a violent psychopathic bully and someone mentions it, that doesn’t make them “anti-Semitic”. And for the record, your troubled history is not a license to act with impunity now.
So, when the letters come — and I’m guessing they will — I can guarantee that each one of those faiths will be utterly convinced that I’ve singled them out for special criticism.

[Other voices give examples...]
“Why did it have to be us? Islam is a peaceful faith.”
“I don’t see what’s wrong with being Christian. We’re a peaceful, loving faith.”
“How dare you, after all we’ve been through? We Jews know how terrible violence can be.”

You see, all of them will be convinced that they’re the ones being picked on. The Abrahamic faiths are like Scouses; they’re always convinced [he puts on a Liverpudlian accent] they have it harder than everyone else. And why is it that all of these faiths claim to be peaceful, when even the most fleeting glance at a history of warfare will tell you otherwise.
The relationship between religion and warfare is very similar to the relationship between Ant and Dec[1]: you could have one without the other, but I’m not sure anyone would see the point."

Marcus Brigstock - BBC Radio 4 The Now Show Autumn 2007