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Fencing Sculptor's Diary

The Ramblings of a Reluctant Civil Servant

The Bongs The Bongs !
"Bong" the News at Ten is set to return to ITV
"Bong" Insert other news headline here...

I heard (ironically on the BBC ) this morning that the ITV News at 10 will return fronted by the legendry Sir Trevor McDonald !

The Bongs are back !


My God that's the work of a GENIUS !
They say a fool is easily parted from his money.

However I have yet to devise my devilishly wicked scheme that will let me clean up and retire to a large walled estate with large metal gates (Arkham Asylum stylee) with a large sign on the front gate warning - beware of the lune...he's armed !

I digress......

While browsing the internet I found this gadget (http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/toys-games/action-outdoor/fetch-stick/index.html
) designed for the owners of dogs who may be struck by the urge ....and here's the difficult concept....to pick up a stick......to throw it while marvelling as their four legged canine runs after it and returns it. Meanwhile the dog is simultaneously wondering why it's owner keeps trying to rid themselves of a perfectly good stick.

Now someone somewhere has obviously found this whole 'finding a stick' malarkey a bit tiresome so have marketed a sponge stick for you to throw..... and I quote :

"fortunately for all dog owners with stick addicted dogs, there's Fetch, a rubbery stick look-a-like that isn't slimy, doesn't scatter bark all over the place, is dog chew friendly, and to take your dog into ninth heaven, it even squeaks."

I bet after pooch has slobbered all over it it will be every bit a slimey as a regular Environmentally sound stick. I mean what’s the CO2 footprint of a bleedin RUBBER stick !!!!!! I bet the sodding thing was manufactured using oil based chemicals, made in China before being transferred halfway round the planet to be sold a some twat….who couldn’t bae arsed ….to pick up a stick !!!!

If the good lord had meant twigs to squeek he'd have made them altogether more rubber duck like !

Fcuk me - a rubber fetch-stick !! It’s like buying a can of gravity to stop stuff drifting off into space isn't it ?!?!?!?!


Hang on a minute ……

I might just have something there...anyone have the number for the patent office ?

Proper Last Words...
I just found a quote that has had me in stitches :

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance"

These were the last words of General John Sedgwick, Union Commander in the U.S. Civil War, who was hit by sniper fire on May 9, 1864.

Quality !