December 15th, 2006


To Inumerately Go Where no Man has gone before

Our supreme leader has today published his ‘Prime Objective’ – a bit like the Prime Directive - but with a less exciting means of getting from point A to point B and without the requirement, sadly, for all office totty to wear ridiculously short dresses in mustard blue or red (but as funky a set of Elevators as you’d find in al l of Starfleet).

His Prime Directive is: To lead, manage and develop staff effectively.

Now I am not one of the Department's brightest Cadets, nor do I actually give a ‘targs’ arse, but I count three objectives there, all distinctly different.

And if that weren’t enough…there follows three bullet points below the Prme Directive.

For a Department that is insistant that it wishes to be seen as an economic force within Whitehall, I think 'learning to count' should be a top priority.

(Sung) I’ve got you….over a Barrell (of Oil)

Thank goodness it’s Friday.

This has been a hell of a long week.

In about an hour and three quarters it is also the Fencing Christmas Party. Huzzah !

Sadly our Swordy Seasonal Celebrations will lack any actual swords apparently it’s not good for representatives of Her Majesty’s Government to be wondering around London armed.

But that there was someone I could have a quiet word with, but sadly unlike your average Saudi Arab, intent on procuring armaments at whatever price (including receiving generous back payments into Swiss bank Accounts) I have absolutely no leverage what so ever.

And until I am awarded the ‘keys to the Capitol’ I will not be able to take advantage of the ancient Bylaw that will permit me to wander around town carrying a sword.

Anyway it should be good as I've just had a phone call from one of our number who's currently in the Royal Oak off Horseferry Road and is completely and utterly off his face already ...and I suspect will need assistance to be carried to another drinking establishment.......

......I will see he gets to wear the most outrageous head attire !!!! ....I'm hoping we have flashing Pink Antlers ..... I know just the bar we can deposit him in !

My mother is doing ok after her operation a Trapeziectomy with ligament reconstruction where surgeons removed her arthrisis ridden bone a reconstructed it with ligament from goodness knows where !

She’s very tired, sore and hasn’t been eating or sleeping which makes for a tired Mother but she’s wiggling heavily bandaged fingers and still has all five of them so ….that’s got to be good !

Stuff in the News that has made me chortle:

The whole Anglo-Saudi Arms fiasco – a.k.a “Let us pay you lots of money to buy our pointless sodding aircraft designed to fulfil a core function which has been rendered irrelevant since global politics has moved on since it was designed- gate”

All terribly amusing to see that The Serious Fraud Office has dropped an investigation because the Saudi’s appear to have taken the line, that if they are investigated for having received backhanders from BAE then they will cancel the order for a cr@p plane which no one really wants, buy it from the French instead, and then get the Diplomatic hump and not tells us whether or not they are aware of any ‘towel-headed exploding fatwa pixies’ are plotting to make commuting even more of a bore….and charge us more for petrol !

Justice and diplomacy rule !

It’s like being back in the school playground.

I see Prince William Second in Line for the Throne has graduated from Sandhurst.
Unlike his ‘gun loosing’ blister-footed, ginger-git of a Brother who will stay a career soldier, William will go on to spend time with both the RAF and the Royal Navy on familiarisation attachments to prepare him for his future role…..which like is big eared git of a Father will involve standing around in Dress Uniform, spouting cr@p and generally being loathed by your common or garden squaddy with whom he will have $hit-all in common. I just hope the foppish git doesn’t make his girlfriend/future Mrs /Attractive Brunette/ Middleton’s life as miserable as hie dad made Diana’s.

The Royals don’t do Military Service well…….

Mice on a Plane. I see that there has been an incident on a Saudi Plane in which 80+ mice spilled out from a mans bag in the overhead locker and scamperd their cute little way over more than 100 passengers ! Fantastic ! I hoping Samuel L Jackson will star in the Hollywood adaptation …

“Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherf***ing Mices on this motherf***ing plane!”