October 2nd, 2006


A brave New World...

The Permanent Secretary handed me a welcome pack this morning..... and welcomed me to a New Department .

It had flashcards in it.

The flashcards conveniently tell me what I think and how I work and what attitude to have.

This is great and removes the whole burdensome thinking about stuff that I previously had to do.

I am of course 'proud happy and thrilled' to be part of a new Department and
particular please to be able to wave my flashcard and assert "I have a grip and make things happen".

I’m a bit worried that it doesn’t tell me when to go to the toilet…of course if no one in the entire Department are given clear instructions when they can go to the lavatory then….logically the entire Department will be full of $h!t.

It’s a Monday - I have a bag full of swords under my desk … My goal for the day is mustering just enough self control not to use them while running through the Department screaming and generally going postal.

Oh SMOKING ban....I thought it said something else

Talking B******s Policy

Published 18/09/06

Talking B******s is an addictive habit, which causes disability, disease, and is a significant preventable cause of ill health and death. The all pervasicve smell of Talking B******s in the environment is also a health hazard to both people who talk nonsense and those that don't.

The Department is committed to promoting healthy living and non-B******s talking. We are establishing a Talking B******s-free environment for all and will offer support to those staff who wish to give up Talking B******s. It's called stay at home.

From 2nd October 2006 Talking B******s will not be allowed

* within the buildings and on land immediately adjacent which DCLG manages directly- We expect it to be a quiet day business wise;

* within DCLG’s parts of buildings that are occupied wholly or in part by DCLG staff, but are not managed by DCLG; and

* in any vehicle owned, leased or hired by DCLG.

Where appropriate staff will be told on a building by building basis where they may Talk B******s outside the building.

This policy covers all DCLG staff and those using DCLG buildings. It applies to

* Ministers;

* all staff and appointees;

* visitors; and

* contractors and consultants working in DCLG premises.

This policy has been agreed with the DTUS and will be incorporated into the Staff Handbook in due course.