August 18th, 2006


Fencing Sculptor 'Rights' the World

Saudi Arabia buys 72 Eurofighters - Idiots. Well somebody had to I suppose and at least it might recoup some of the £bns of my taxpayers money that was thrown at this pointless Cold war interceptor aircraft.

Man facing arrest for son's death - This is the bloke is currently hospitalised who after drinking and rowing with his wife, tried to commit suicide by jumping out off his hotel balcony - while taking his two children with him. Killing his 6 year old son and hospitalising his daughter. ***t ! I dobt he and wifey will be making up soon. Help him to the nearest hospital balcony and save my tax £s.

Filipino 'dwarf' judge loses case - An awesome story that had it appeared on April 1 I would never have believed ! A Philippines judge who said he consulted 'imaginary mystic dwarves' has failed to convince the Supreme Court to allow him to keep his job. Florentino Floro was appealing against a three (YES THREE SODDING YEARS TO PROVE THAT THE THREE MYSTICAL DWAVES DIDN'T ACTUALLY EXIST AND HE WAS A LOON !) - year inquiry which led to his removal due to incompetence and bias (no $hit Sherlock). However, if there are any imaginary dwarves reading this please don't take offence at my dismissive opinion of you. (The Now Show are going to have a field day with this story tonight -pity I'm out on the town!)

Israel alarm at UN Peacekeeper force members - Israel says it would be "difficult if not inconceivable" to accept nations which do not recognise Israel and who have no diplomatic relations with Israel - why's that then ?!!? - Presumably they'd just wonder around asking where they were and they exclaiming "nope sorry I don't believe in Israel where I am really?"

It's just a load of Crap - Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott has denied saying the Bush administration had been "crap" on the Middle East road map - the plan for peace in the region. That's Crap he said…probably. Mr Prescott's other reported comment - calling Mr Bush a "cowboy" - was a joke related to his own recent difficulties over a cowboy outfit gift he was given last year. "I love Cowboys really , I wanted to be one you know….but Blair took my hat away coz I hadn't declared it"…..they took my secretary away too….again coz I didn't declare I was shaggin' her….."

Six await Big Brother final vote - The remaining six housemates in the Big Brother house will learn tonight which one of them will be voted the winner of this year top televisual psychological torture programme. That’s the viewer not the inmates that have been tortured. Hopefully they'll all be led to the electric chair on exiting the house. The BBC asks "Has Big Brother become too complex for its own good?" ....lets think about this shall we ...kind of playing hard and fast with the adjective complex there Aunty .....

A parting message for the tourette sufferer… Narf! Zort! Poit!